Sometimes Life Sucks and Sometimes It Doesn’t
I hate to open with such a blatant title, but since I made the decision to move the blog into a more of an open life project, I just nothing can really be hidden.
I wanted to write this post to you to give you some perspective on life. There are times when life is really going good – like a carnival ride with your sweet heart that you just don’t want to have stop. But there are times when you just want to crawl into a corner and say – I’m done. I have to tell you that my family and I have had exactly all of this happen in the past year.
I was diagnosed with a pretty common cancer called Lymphoma. The long and short of it is that the b-cells in the body that do things like create white blood cells kind of go a bit goofy and they don’t die. They just will collect. Normally with lymphoma, they will collect in the lymph node system. Well, I know that I’ve had this for about a year or so, but early in the year it did something called Transformed Lymphoma.
What happened is that the lymphoma decided to start growing much faster and in other places – outside the lymph nodes. My doctor gave me the jolly news that chemotherapy was called for immediately. I’ve already had one treatment about 10 days back and it’s working wonders but right after the treatment – I wanted to die. I never knew that I could feel so bad.
For the first two or three days after – sleep was my best friend. And a hard friend to find. With these drugs in my system I was feeling like I was being turned inside out. But the results have been short of miraculous. The one lump that I can see in my neck when from being a pretty big 3-4 cm lump to basically normal.
This has been one of those life sucks and life is great moments. Life sucks when you take the treatment but life is great when you get over the symptoms and start to see the results.
I want you to know that life is going to throw some pretty cooky stuff at you at the best of times and you are going to be totally dumbfounded. And I can tell you too if you just decide to make it through, you will. I could have decided after the treatment to be done with it. Life is so bad that I just don’t want to play anymore. I had to look at the long term.
I promised my 11 year old daughter to walk her down the aisle one day on her wedding day. She can deal with the black and white of that statement at 11. I had to focus on that promise during those first few days. It was my anchor in the storm. You know how I remembered that promise? She came to me while I was very sick and asked me if I was still going to walk her down the aisle.
Through the nausea and the pain I gritted my teeth and told her “You better believe it!!!”
I don’t know where you are, but remember not all of life works out like a fairy tale – but maybe – with faith, love and hope, you will live happily ever after.